Giving the power

Kris Corbus Author

if you're truly shattered by someone's words, you're advertising how little internal stability you have.

"Someone said something and now I'm broken..."

Let’s slow this down.

Someone spoke.
They used words.
And you decided those words had the power to shatter your entire existence.

Do I have that right?

Because if that’s the case, something important just happened—and it has nothing to do with what they said.

The moment you say:

• “They made me feel…”
• “They broke me…”
• “They ruined everything…”

you’ve already told the whole story.

Grammatically and psychologically, these sentences all follow the same structure:

External cause → internal collapse → zero agency.

You’re not just describing pain.
You’re narrating powerlessness.

And the more dramatic the language—“I’m shattered,” “I’m destroyed,” “I’ll never recover”—the clearer it becomes: you’ve elevated someone else’s words above your own reality.

Then you call that “being hurt.”

No.
That’s choosing victimhood.

I will repeat it:

you are choosing to be a victim.

The Truth: Words Don’t Break People

Let’s be precise.

Words don’t break people.
People break themselves by deciding words have that power.

That decision may be unconscious. It may be old. It may be rooted in earlier experiences.
But it’s still a decision.

Your Alternative

Let's try again:

Someone expressed a thought.
That thought didn’t match yours.
You felt discomfort.

That’s it.

Everything else—the devastation, the outrage, the “how dare they,” the identity-level crisis—is a narrative layered on top of discomfort.

You didn’t get destroyed.
You interpreted.

And interpretation is optional.

The Question That Changes Everything

Instead of asking “Why did this hurt so much?”, try this:

What am I getting from being “broken”?

• Attention?
• Proof that people care?
• Permission to avoid responsibility?
• An identity that feels special or protected?
• Moral high ground?

Be honest. The answer matters.

Because if someone’s words can truly shatter you, you’re not revealing their power—you’re advertising your lack of internal stability.

Stability Starts With Knowing Yourself

Internal stability doesn’t come from controlling what others say.
It comes from knowing yourself well enough that their words don’t hijack you.

That means knowing:

• your values (not the ones you like, the ones you actually live by),
• your behavioural patterns under stress,
• what energises you and what drains you,
• what genuinely calms your nervous system,
• what you’re feeling—without dramatising or suppressing it,
• and how to motivate yourself without pressure, shame, or crisis.

Most people skip this step and try to “be resilient” on top of a self they barely understand. That never works.

Here’s the good news: all of this is learnable.
No personality change required. No overthinking required.

And yes—I can help with that.

If you want to start with the fundamentals, write me an email/message “my basics” and I’ll share the current options to build them properly.

Categories: : emotional intelligence